I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Green mimosas i think yes
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
