u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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