I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
