I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
