frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
