I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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