some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
