If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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