He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
