I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
