Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
