I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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