Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
