Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
