the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Randomize
