You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
