Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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