New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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