The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
