How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
