I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
