he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize