She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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