you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
