a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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