people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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