I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
