Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
