This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
