How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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