I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
