she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
