So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
