I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
