i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
COCAINE IS GR8
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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