he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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