swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just found puke in my bra..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
