She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
