I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
