I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
