Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize