Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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