tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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