We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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