I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize