just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
