made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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