just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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