i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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