just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize