ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
