I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
