I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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