I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
