I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
