P.S. I can't hear my feet
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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