Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Found your dick twin last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I need a burrito and a hug.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
