There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
