He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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