I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
