i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
