And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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