it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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