Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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