I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
