why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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