You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
