the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
