so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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