Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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