I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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