I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
