Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
