Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
