How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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