wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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