I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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