the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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