But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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