Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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