it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
