he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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