if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Did I show you my penis last night?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
