How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize