her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
