was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
