he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
