I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
