I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
