Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
