but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
