I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
