Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am one with the molecules
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
