I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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