so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
