We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
