By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
