just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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