Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
