i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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