I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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