Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
